Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
