My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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