he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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