Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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