I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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