We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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