Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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