what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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