She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
