We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
someone threw a dead crab at me
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
