I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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