do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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