Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
