Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
