plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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