I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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