I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
