I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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