so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
