"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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