he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
