Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
