He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
