I must be too annoying 4 u.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
