I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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