are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
