Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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