i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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