he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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