fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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