Sponge bath it is.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
