If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
