textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I AM VODKA MAN
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
