well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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