you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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