Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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