i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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