I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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