i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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