it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
