I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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