I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
