You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
