I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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