is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
