Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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