I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
