this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
