Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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