I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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